How to Overcome the Need for External Validation – 5 Practical Steps


It's important to avoid making broad generalisations about any group of people, including the LGBTQ+ community, as individuals within a community can have diverse experiences and motivations. However, it's worth noting that seeking validation is a human characteristic that is not exclusive to any particular group.

For some LGBTQ+ individuals, seeking validation from others may stem from a variety of factors, such as societal stigma, discrimination, or a lack of acceptance. Many people, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, may seek validation as a way to feel understood, accepted, and valued by others.

In the context of the LGBTQ+ community, individuals may face unique challenges, including societal prejudice, discrimination, and the struggle for acceptance. Seeking validation from others can be a natural response to these challenges as individuals may look for affirmation, understanding, and support in their identity.

It's important to approach these discussions with sensitivity and avoid making assumptions about why individuals seek validation. Everyone's experiences and motivations are unique, and understanding and supporting each other is essential for fostering inclusivity and empathy.

How to Overcome the Need for Validation as Someone Who Identifies as LGBT

Understanding the Desire for Validation: Acknowledging the desire for validation is the first step towards self-discovery. The LGBTQ+ community often faces external judgments and societal pressures, making the quest for acceptance and validation understandable. However, achieving internal validation is a powerful journey towards self-empowerment and resilience.

Embracing Self-Validation – 5 Practical Steps

  1. Cultivate Self-Acceptance: Embrace your unique identity, recognising that your worth is not determined by external opinions.

  2. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge your accomplishments and personal growth, reinforcing your sense of self-worth.

  3. Positive Affirmations: Practice positive affirmations to challenge negative thoughts and build a strong self-affirming mindset.

  4. Connect with Community: Engage with the LGBTQ+ community to share experiences and insights, fostering a sense of belongin.

  5. Seek Professional Support: LGBT Counselling Services provides a safe space for confidential discussions, offering guidance tailored to your unique journey.

Setting Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial for reducing dependence on external validation. Learn to prioritise your well-being and communicate your needs effectively.

Empowering Others: Share your experiences to inspire and uplift others within the LGBTQ+ community. By fostering a culture of support and understanding, we contribute to creating a more inclusive and affirming environment for all.

Ending the Cycle of Seeking Validation from Others

This guide offers practical insights and actionable steps to help you cultivate confidence, embrace authenticity, and stop seeking validation from others. If you're looking for advice on how to stop seeking validation from others, here are some tips:

1.     Self-awareness: Understand and recognise when you are seeking validation. Pay attention to your thoughts and behaviours. Awareness is the first step towards change.

2.     Identify underlying issues: Explore why you seek validation. It might be rooted in low self-esteem, fear of rejection, or a desire for external approval. Identifying these underlying issues can help you address them directly.

3.     Build self-confidence: Focus on developing a strong sense of self-worth independent of external validation. Set and achieve personal goals, celebrate your achievements, and acknowledge your strengths.

4.     Accept imperfections: Nobody is perfect. Embrace your flaws and imperfections as a part of being human. Understand that seeking perfection can lead to constant validation seeking.

5.     Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Learn to say no when necessary and prioritise your own needs and values.

6.     Develop self-validation habits: Practice self-compassion and self-affirmation. Acknowledge your efforts, achievements, and positive qualities. Cultivate a habit of validating yourself internally.

7.     Surround yourself with supportive people: Build relationships with individuals who appreciate you for who you are. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can reduce the need for external validation.

8.     Focus on personal growth: Invest time and energy in personal development. Engage in activities that bring you joy, satisfaction, and a sense of accomplishment, irrespective of others' opinions.

9.     Seek professional help if needed: If your validation-seeking behaviour is deeply rooted and impacting your mental well-being, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counsellor.

10.  Practice mindfulness: Cultivate mindfulness to stay present and detached from external judgments. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, can help you develop a greater sense of self-awareness and inner peace.

Remember that breaking the pattern of seeking validation is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate the progress you make along the way.

Finding Support

Counselling can be instrumental in helping individuals overcome the pattern of seeking external validation and approval from others. This behaviour often stems from deep-seated emotional needs and insecurities, and counselling can address these underlying issues. Counselling provides a supportive and structured environment for individuals to explore, understand, and overcome the tendency to seek external validation. Through various therapeutic strategies, individuals can develop a more secure sense of self, reduce dependency on external opinions, and cultivate a healthier, more authentic way of relating to themselves and others.

At LGBT Counselling Services, we understand the importance of navigating the complexities of validation within the LGBTQ+ community. Embracing self-validation, building supportive connections, and setting healthy boundaries are integral steps in this journey towards self-empowerment. For personalised guidance, reach out to our dedicated team of professionals who are here to support you on your path to well-being.